2021年9月23日星期四

婚姻

   婚姻是什么? 

是一种绑定关系的阶段还是互相扶持的阶段呢? 

随着科技和时代的进步, 没想到人类的思想还是保留着传统思想---到了适婚年龄还不结婚就是不对的

当然我也不列外, 到了适婚年龄, 常常被长辈/同事/朋友追问几时要有个男朋友/几时结婚...

尝试过交往, 但还是觉得单身/跟同性相处比较自在...

好景不常在, 就在2019的平安夜, 我们维持8年的关系就这样结束了...

当时我很痛, 逼不得已找了住在你家附近的中学同学帮我个忙...

他很好, 也很会开导我.. 他说眼看即将要步入新的一年, 如果他在31号前还是恨恨的对你, 我就该放手...

这几天我都以泪洗脸, 做工做到一半都会突然流泪... 慢慢的我尝试调整心情, 把我准备好的生日礼物交给你后, 我就开始下定决心朝着婚姻方向找对象了...

一切很顺利, 也见过几个网友.. 特别有一个对我很好, 蛮会迁就我..

那时因为工作上人手不足+工作量大+时常要加班搞得我很累... 他早放工时会驾1个小时的车来接我吃晚餐/回家..

这些小小的行为足以打动了我那时的心.. 然后很快我就想步入"婚姻"...

但认识才那么短的时间我有些担心, 本以为想一起出国看看他的真面目再决定---我找对象都会想要能单独去一些我们不熟悉的地方, 观看他临机的行动和脾气, 但偏偏就遇上新型冠状病毒 (covid-19). 这病毒散播全世界.. 导致全国轮流封国 😢 这计划根本就不能实行...

马来西亚来来回回封国/解封数次, 我都倦了...因为疫情没有好转, 公司很早就让我们与病毒共存, 强逼性要我们回去公司上班, 我因为不同意, 一气之下辞职了... 

一来他说有能力提供我基本需求, 二来他说很快我们会有自己的家...就这样我就更放心的辞掉我的烦恼...

但...好景不长...马来西亚又来一次封国, 这一封就1个月半..他就这样不能去上班...这段时间都是省吃俭用, 慢慢的他可以回去工作岗位了...

其实我这次做了很大的错误, 如果一个人不愿意跟你分享他的故事/背景, 就不该跟他发展.. 我当时可能太伤心, 就没有理会那么多

慢慢的, 我发现他是月光族... 婚戒/求婚戒等等一切开销都是我支付...搞得我觉得自己很犯贱

有天我们不小心提起婚姻, 他嘴滑说了: 是你(我)想结婚而已... 这句话伤到我很深, 过后我自己深思, 也是的, 如果他真的准备好了, 我根本就不需要支付/操心任何东西

再后来仔细想起, 他只有在外面 (特别是有他的朋友在身边的时候) 才会对我好, 在家里都是你过你的, 我过我的..

我也不知道我该知足还是什么... 只是知道有一天爬山我因为手臂没力, 手滑失足, 是他顶了我一下才没继续跌下去...

这种关系我有点累, 我不喜欢那种, 以为女人在家就该做家务打理家事, 男人出外做工很辛苦, 家事就不用碰...回想以前我还能在家做工时而他因为封国不能做工, 我午休的时候还洗衣晒衣呢

现在我0收入, 还要还房贷和车贷, 有时没钱吃饭, 我也支付了那些费用...我不知道我能撑多久, 我只知道, 我既然还了房贷, 再加上我住在这个租屋很不开心, 我就要回去住我自己家. 

反正在这里我0收入还要受气和做家务, 在那里我虽然0收入, 但不需要受气和做家务

2018年6月2日星期六

14 Reasons to Eat More Pasta

1.  It's part of a good diet
Pasta is made from grain, one of the basic food groups in a healthy diet that also can include vegetables, fruits, fish and poultry.  It's a good source of energy and can give you fiber too.  If it's made from whole grain, that can help with stomach problems and may help lower cholesterol.  Try some tagliatelle with wild mushrooms and truffle oil.

2.  It makes you less 'hangry'  
It's filling which means it can curb your desire for food for a long time.  That'll make you less likely to get snuppy or grumpy - you know 'hangry'.  Try a round pasta called orecchiette with sausage and broccoli rabe, a traditional Italian dish with a red chili kick.

3.  It's affordable
The basic ingredients are simple and cheap: flour, water, salt, and maybe some eggs.  Whether you make your own or buy it at the store, pasta is a great way to feed the family without breaking the bank.  Try a traditional spaghetti Bolognese - the meat simmers in milk and then wine.

4.  It's versatile
You can serve it as a starter, a side dish or the main event.  How about a pasta salad with mozzarella, sun-dried tomatoes and olives? It's tangy and delicious and you don't have to make it at the last minute.

5.  It's easy to make
Keep some fresh angel hair pasta in the freezer for quick meals.  Once the pot of water boils, you're pretty much done: Because it's so thin, the pasta cook in seconds.  Toss it in a pan with some olive oil, black pepper and pecorino cheese for a traditional Roman dish: angel hair cacio e pepe.

6.  There are a million shapes
OK not literally a million, but  you get the idea: bow ties, shells, ribbons, tubes, bowls and ravioli that hold fillings from butternut squash to wild boar and more.  This opens endless possibilities for dinner, even if you have just a few minutes.  For something unusual, try some rigatoni with eggplant puree.

7.  It may help prevent cancer
Whole-grain pasta can give you all sorts of health benefits.  It has several things that can help protect you against certain kinds of cancer, especially stomach and colon cancer.  For a special treat, try spaghetti carbonara with whole-grain pasta.  But don't make this rich dish a regular meal.  It's made with bacon, butter, egg yolk and Parmesan cheese.  It's like mac and cheese for grown-ups.  With bacon!

8.  It can help you lose weight
Pasta has gotten a bad rap because of its carbohydrates.  But research shows that carbs don't keep you from losing weight - as long as you don't overdo it.  In fact, in one study, people who ate pasta as part of a Mediterranean diet had a lower body mass index (BMI) - a measure of your body fat based on your height and weight - than those who din't.  They also had less belly fat (which is worse than other fat).  Fresh-cut tomatoes with garlic and basil and a touch of olive oil work well on any pasta for a healthy meal.  

9.  It doesn't have much salt
Too much of this mineral can play a role in heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and other health problems.  Pasta is low in it, but that won't matter if you add it back in the sauce.  Spicy penne arrabiata has plenty of punchy flavour without any salt.

10.  It's low in fat
Pasta had just over half a gram of fat per serving.  Of cause, all that goes out the window if you drench your noodles in butter, cheese and olive oil.  A simple farfalle - 'bow tie' pasta - with marinara and basil makes a healthy, light and satisfying meal.  But keep that sprinkling of Parmesan to a minimum.

11.  It helps keep blood sugar in check
They glycemic index (GI) is a measure of how fast sugar gets into your bloodstream.  Healthy diets that include food with a low GI may help prevent diabetes and obesity, and pasta has a low GI.  Try some tortellini en brodo: It has a delicious ground meat filling and the broth will fill you up with fewer calories.

12.  It has a long shelf life
You're unlikely to waste it, whether it's dried and packaged from the supermarket shelf or fresh-frozen in you freezer.  It keeps for months either way.  So the next time you get a craving for spaghetti and meatballs, the main ingredient will be waiting for you.

13.  It can be gluten-free
Demand has spawned a new category of pastas made from corn, rice and even quinoa.  For an exotic take, try gluten-free linguine pescatore, an Italian dish made with a mix of seafood that can include mussels, clams, calamari, shrimp and fish in a tomato sauce.  No parmesan, though - Italians typically keep their fish and cheese separate.

14.  You can eat it for dessert    
Kugel - a simple baked noodle dish made with sour cream, cinnamon, raisins and sugar - originated in Eastern Europe and is one of the great comfort foods of all time.  Use it as a sweet side dish or serve it as dessert - it's just as delicious either way. 

Sex-Drive Killers

1.  Stress
Some people do many things well when they 're stressed.  Feeling sexy usually isn't one of them.  Stress at work, home or in relationships can happen to anyone.  Learning how to handle it in a healthy way really helps.  You can do a lot of it yourself and a counselor or doctor can also help.

2.  Partner problem
Problems with your partner are among the top sex-drive killers.  For women, feeling close is a major part of desire.  For both sexes, watch for fallout from fights, poor communication, feeling betrayed or other trust issues.  If it's tricky to get back on track, reach out to a couples counselor.

3.  Alcohol
A drink may make you feel more open to sex.  But too much alcohol can numb your sex drive.  Being drunk can also be a turn-off for your partner.  If you have trouble drinking less, seek help.

4.  Too little sleep
If your sexual get-up-and-go is gone, maybe you're not getting enough sleep.  Do you go to bed too late or rise too early? Do you have a sleep problem like trouble falling or staying asleep or a condition such as sleep apnea?  Anything that messes with a good night's rest can mess with sex.  Fatigue saps sexy feelings.  Work on your sleep habits and if that doesn't help, talk to your doctor.

5.  Having kids
You don't lose your sex drive once you're a parent.  However, you do lose some time to be close with kids under foot.  Hire a babysitter to nurture some time to be partners as well as parents.  New baby?  Try sex during baby's nap time.

6.  Medication
Some drugs can turn down desire.  They include some of these types of medications:
i.  antidepressants
ii.  blood pressure medications
iii.  birth control pills
iv.  chemotherapy
v.  anti-HIV drugs
vi.  finasteride
Switching drugs or dosages may help - ask  your doctor about that and never stop taking any medicine on your own.  Tel your doctor too if your sex drive stalls soon after you start taking a new drugs.

7.  Poor body image
Feeling sexy is easier if you like how you look.  Work on accepting your body as it is today, even if you're working to get in shape.  Feeling good about yourself can put you in the mood.  If your partner has low esteem, assure them that they're sexy.

8.  Obesity
When you're overweight or obese, desire often dims.  It could be that you don't enjoy sex, can't perform like you want to, or are held back by low self-esteem.  Working on how you feel about yourself, with a counselor if needed, may make a big difference.

9.  Erection problems
Mens with ED (erectile dysfunction) often worry about how they will be able to perform sexually and that worry can drain their desire.  ED can be treated, and couples can also work to keep it from affecting their relationship.

10.  Low T
The 'T' hormone, testosterone, fuels sex drive.  As men age, their T levels may drop a bit.  Not all lose the desire for sex as this happens, but some do.  Many other things - from relationship to weight - also affect a man's sex drive and testosterone levels, so there's not a one-size-fits-all answer for every man.

11.  Depression
Being depressed can shut off pleasure in many things including sex.  That's one of many reasons to get help.  If your treatment involves medication, tell your doctor if your sex drive is low, since some (but not all) depression drugs lower sex drive.  Talk about it with your therapist too.

12.  Menopause
For many women, sex drive dims around menopause.  That's partly about symptoms such as vaginal dryness and pain during sex.  But every woman is different, and it's possible to have a great sex life after menopause by tending to your relationship, self esteem and overall health.    

13.  Lack of closeness
Sex without feeling close can slay desire.  Intimacy is more than just sex.  If your sex life is idling, try spending more non-sexual time together, just the two of you.  Talk, snuggle, trade massages.  Find ways to express love without having sex.  Getting closer can rebuild your sex drive.  

2018年6月1日星期五

Nutrition to Help Your Liver

Your body's largest internal organ is an important player.  It helps turn food into nutrients.  It also filters toxins and breaks them down so your body can get rid of them.  You can make your liver's job easier - and yourself healthier - if you eat the right things.  A balanced diet with whole grains, fruits, vegetables and lean protein is a good start. 

1.  Leafy greens
Free radicals are molecules that can damage your cells and cause problems, including liver disease.  Substances called antioxidants can help get rid of them.  Leafy greens like spinach, kale and collards are loaded with antioxidants.  They're also packed with fiber, and other things your liver needs.

2.  Grapefruit
This citrus favourite has powerful antioxidants that may help protect your cells and ease the inflammation that can lead to liver disease.  But be careful with it if you take certain medicines for high blood pressure, high cholesterol or mental health.  Grapefruit can affect how they work.  Talk with your doctor first if you're on meds for any of those things.

3.  Oatmeal
Foods high in fiber like this breakfast favourite can help protect your liver from inflammation.  They also may help keep your blood sugar and electrolytes in line.  Other good sources of high-fiber whole grains include:
i.  brown rice
ii.  unbuttered popcorn
iii.   100% whole wheat bread

4.  Apples
Studies have shown that fruits high in fiber like apples may help people who have fatty liver disease, especially those who are obese.  Make sure you leave the skin on.  That's where most of the fiber is.  Other fruits with lots of fiber include:
i.  bananas
ii.  oranges
iii.  strawberries
iv.  raisins

5.  Skinless chicken breasts
Your body needs protein to build up your organ - including your liver - and keep them healthy.  But your liver doesn't need a lot of fat.  Lean poultry (without the skin) can be a good way to get the protein you need.  Grill it or bake it.  Don't fry it.

6.  Salmon
It's loaded with protein, but that's not all.  This popular fish also has omega-3 fatty acids, which may lower your cholesterol, ease inflammation and help you stay at a healthy weight.  All of those things help your liver.  Aim for two to four servings of salmon a week.

7.  Walnuts
Nuts can be a good snack choice for your liver.  Walnuts in particular are loaded with omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and fiber.  But a little goes a long way.  Aim for only about 10 walnuts a day.  The fat and calories can add up if you munch on too many.

8.  Beans
You don't have to eat meat to get protein.  You can get it and plenty of fiber from beans.  They don't have the 'bad' saturated fats found in some protein that comes from animals.

9.  Healthy oils
Take unhealthy saturated and trans fats, like butter and margarine out of your diet.  Sub in better choices for example, go with extra-virgin olive oil and canola oil for cooking and baking.  Watch the amounts.  A light touch may be enough.

10.  Coffee
Your morning habit may not just get your day going, it might also help keep your liver healthy.  Scientists aren't sure why, but studies show that a few cups a day may lower your chances of liver cancer.  

11.  Green tea
This trendy favourite has antioxidants and other chemicals that may help protect your liver from cell damage and inflammation.  Drink it regularly may lower your chances of fatty liver disease, hepatitis, cirrhosis and chronic liver disease.

12.  Water
This makes up 73% of your liver, so it's important to make sure you have enough in your system to keep it working the way it should.  A lack of water can hurt your kidneys too.  


What Not To Eat
Along with eating the right foods, it's also important to stay away from the wrong ones.  The biggest threats to your liver include foods that are:
i.  fried
ii.  high in saturated fat
iii.  processed
Keep an eye on alcohol.  In general, women should have no more than one adult beverage a day, and men no more than two.  But talk to your doctor about what's right for you.


Don't "Detox"
A 'cleanse' might sound like a good idea but there's no proof that any special diet will help get toxins out of your liver.  Your liver does a good job of that already.
And some 'detox' diets can cause side effects like cramping, nausea or dehydration.  They can also keep you from getting enough vitamins or minerals.
If you're looking for a healthy change of pace, you could take 'bad' fats and sugar out of your diet or cut out alcohol.

These Foods Are Good for Your Eyes

1.  Raw red peppers
Bell peppers give you the most vitamin C per calorie.  That's good for the blood vessels in your eyes, and science suggests it could lower your risk of getting cataracts. (Dherani et al (2008) Blood levels of vitamin C, carotenoids and retinol are inversely associated with cataract in a North Indian population. Invest Ophthalmol Vis Sci, 49(8):3328-35. doi: 10.1167)  It's found in many vegetables and fruits, including bok choy, cauliflower, papayas and strawberries.  Heat will break down vitamin C, so go raw when you can.  Brightly colored peppers also pack eye-friendly vitamins A and E.

2.  Sunflower seeds and nuts
An ounce of these seeds or almond has half the amount of vitamin E the USDA recommends for adults each day.  A large study found that vitamin E, together with other nutrients, can help slow age-related macular degeneration (AMD) from getting worse.  It may also help prevent cataracts.  Hazelnuts, peanuts (technically legumes) and peanut butter are also good sources of vitamin E. 

3.  Dark, leafy greens
Kale, spinach and collard greens, for example, are rich in both vitamin C and E.  They also have the carotenoids lutein and zeaxanthin.  These plant-based forms of vitamin A lower your risk of long-term eye diseases, including AMD and cataracts.  Most people who eat Western diets don't get enough of them.  

4.  Salmon
Your retinas need two types of omega-3 fatty acids to work right: DHA and EPA.  You can find both in fatty fish, such as salmon, tuna and trout, as well as other seafood.  Omega-3s also seem to protect your eyes from AMD and glaucoma.  Low levels of these fatty acids have been linked to dry eyes.

5.  Sweet potatoes
Orange-colored fruits and vegetables - like sweet potatoes, carrots, cantaloupe, mangos and apricots - are high in beta-carotene, a form of vitamin A that helps with night vision, your eyes' ability to adjust to darkness.  One sweet potato also has more than half the vitamin C you need in a day and a little vitamin E.

6.  Lean meat and poultry
Zinc brings vitamin A from your liver to your retina, where it's used to make the protective pigment melanin.  Oysters have more zinc per serving than any other food, but you don't have to be a shellfish lover to get enough: beef, pork and chicken (both dark and breast meat) are all good sources.

7.  Beans and legumes
Prefer a vegetarian, low-fat, high-fiber option to help keep your vision sharp at night and slow AMD? Chickpeas are also high in zinc, as are black-eyed peas, kidney beans and lentils.  A can of baked beans will do the job too.

8.  Eggs
It's a great package deal: the zinc in an egg will help your body use the lutein and zeaxanthin from its yolk.  The yellow-orange color of these compounds blocks harmful blue light from damaging your retina.  They help boost the amount of protective pigment in the macula, the part of your eye that controls central vision.

9.  Squash
Your body can't make lutein and zeaxanthin, but you can get them from squash all year long.  Summer squash also have vitamin C and zinc.  The winter kind will give you vitamins A and C as well as omega-3 fatty acids too.

10.  Broccoli and brussels sprouts
These related veggies come with another winning combination of nutrients: vitamin A (as lutein, zeaxanthin and beta-carotene), vitamin C and vitamin E.  They're all antioxidants that protect the cells in your eyes from free radicals, a type of unstable molecule that breaks down healthy tissue.  Your retinas are especially vulnerable.  

2018年5月26日星期六

10 Ways to Stop Stress Now

1.  Put stress in its place
How you handle stress makes a big difference in how you feel.  It might even help your blood pressure, blood sugar level, and the rest of you.  Use these calming strategies to stop stress ASAP.

2.  Break out the bubble gum
Next time you're at the end of your rope, unwrap a stick of gum.  According to studies, chewing gum lowers anxiety and eases stress.  Some researchers think the rhythmic act of chewing may improve blood flow to your brain, while others believe the smell and taste help you relax.

3.  Get outside
Spending time outdoors, even close to home, is linked to better well-being.  You're in a natural setting, and you're usually doing something active, like walking or hiking.  Even a few minutes can make a difference in how you feel.

4.  Smile like you mean it
Don't roll your eyes the next time someone advises you to 'grin and bear it'.  In times of tension, keeping a smile on your face - especially a genuine smile that's formed by the muscles around your eyes as well as your mouth - reduces your body's stress responses, even if you don't feel happy.  Smiling also helps lower heart rates faster once your stressful situation ends.

5.  Sniff some lavender
Certain scents like lavender may soothe.  In one study, nurses who pinned small vials of lavender oil to their clothes felt their stress ease, while nurses who didn't felt more stressed.  Lavender may intensify the effect of some painkillers and anti-anxiety medications, so if you're taking either, check with your doctor before use.

6.  Tune in
Heading into a stressful situation?  Music can help you calm down.  In one study, people had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol when they listened to a recording of Latin choral music before doing something stressful (like doing math out loud or giving a speech) that when they listened to a recording of rippling water. (Wondering what that choral piece was, music fans? Try Miserere by Gregorio Allegri)

7.  Reboot your breath
Feeling less stressed is as close as your next breath.  Focusing on your breath curbs your body's 'fight or flight' reaction to pressure or fear, and it pulls your attention away from negative thoughts.  Sit comfortably in a quiet place.  Breathe in slowly through your nose, letting your chest and lower belly rise and your abdomen expand.  Breathe out just as slowly, repeating a word phrase that helps you relax.  To reap the most benefit, repeat for at least 10 minutes.

8.  Be kind to yourself
We all have a constant stream of thoughts running through our heads, and sometimes what we tell ourselves isn't so nice.  Staying positive and using compassionate self-talk will help you calm down and get a better grip on the situation.  Talk to yourself in the same gentle, encouraging way you'd help a friend in need.  'Everything will be OK', for instance, or 'I'll figure out how to handle this'.

9.  Write your stress away
Jotting down your thoughts can be a great emotional outlet.  Once they're on paper, you can start working out a plan to resolve them.  It doesn't matter whether you prefer pen and notebook, a phone app, or a file on your laptop.  The important thing is that you're honest about your feelings. 

10.  Tell a friend 
When you're feeling overwhelmed, seek out the company of a friend or loved one.  Have a friend who's dealing with the same worries as you?  Even more reason to open up.  You'll both feel less alone.

11.  Get moving
When you work up a swear, you improve your  mood, clear your head, and take a break from whatever is stressing you out.  Whether you like a long walk or an intense workout at the gym, you'll feel uplifted afterward.

2018年5月21日星期一

Fatty foods you should be eating

1.  Fish
Naturally fatty fish like salmon, mackerel, herring, lake trout, sardines and albacore tuna are good sources of omega-3 fatty acids.  These are 'good' fats that help keep your heart healthy.  They may also help keep your brain sharp, especially as you get older.  The American Heart Association suggests eating two servings of fatty fish a week.  A serving in 3 ounces - about the size of a deck of cards.  Try it baked, grilled or poached. 

2.  Avocado
Eat it on your sandwich, or serve it up in guacamole.  Tasty avocado is good for your heart and may help with osteoarthritis symptoms, thank to healthy fats.  When you eat avocado with other foods, it help your body better absorb their nutrients.  Half a medium avocado is one serving and about 115-160 calories.

3.  Seeds
Little pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and sesame seeds pack a big punch.  They have 'good' fats that can lower cholesterol.  In general, fats that come from plants are healthier than those from animal products.  'Bad' fats are in foods like fatty cuts of meat, full-fat dairy products and some packaged foods.  Check food labels to see how much fat and what type you're getting.  Limit saturated fats and avoid trans fats.

4.  Nuts
From hazelnuts to pecans, all nuts are good for your heart.  Walnuts, especially deliver heart-healthy fats.  But don't overdo it.  Just because the fats are healthy doesn't mean you can eat as much as you want.  A serving is 1 ounce.  That's about 14 walnut halves, 23 almonds, 28 peanuts, 18 cashews and 19 pecan halves.

5.  Olive oil
Whether you're cooking or dressing your salad, try olive oil.  It's high in good fat.  Remember it's always smart to watch how much fat - even good fat - you eat.  So cook with less oil than a recipe calls for.  Or use an olive oil spray.  In baking, you can use applesauce for half the oil to cut back on some fat and shave calories. 

6.  Eggs
Eggs are a great source of inexpensive protein.  A large, hard-boiled egg has 5.3 grams of fat, most from healthy fats.  Some eggs are also enriched with extra omega-3s.  It will say on the carton.

7.  Ground flaxseed
As part of a healthy diet, good-for-you fats can help make your skin look great - plumper and younger.  Plus, they add fiber and can help ease inflammation.  Get good fats by sprinkling a teaspoon of ground flaxseed on your salad or your cereal or use it when you're baking. 

8.  Beans
Whether they're kidney, Great Northern, navy or soybeans, adding beans to your diet can be good for you mentally and physically.  Beans have omega 3s, which may help with mood. 

9.  Omega-3-fortified foods
There are also many foods that have added omega-3s to make them healthier.  You can find enriched milk and eggs, bread and breakfast bars for example.  Check product labels to make sure.  Plus you may get more health benefits by getting omega-3s through fortified products that from a supplement.